sexthoughts (sexthoughts) wrote,

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Domination, webcam sex, and eating out.

My boyfriend has told me that he would like me to dominate him sometimes, and "make him do naughty things." I told him I would like to, and that I had fantasized about it before. It is true that I have envisioned such a situation, but being naturally more on the submissive shy side, I wonder if I can manage to act as confident as a dominatrix would. So to help me out, I did that thing I know how to do so well: research. I checked out various BDSM communities on Livejournal, and was discouraged by what I found. I don't want to torture my lover with nipple clamps or build elaborate equipment to restrain him with. But then I came upon this link: It's a checklist for BDSM beginners. I decided to see what sounded like things I could or would do to dominate my boyfriend, and this is what I got:

boot worship
light bondage
Collars (worn in private)
Cuffs (leather)
Cuffs (metal)
Eye contact restrictions
Following orders
Forced masturbation
Gags (cloth)
Hair pulling (gentle)
Harnessing (rope)
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus)
Head (recv fellatio/cunnilingus)

Binding him and blindfolding him are things I could do right away. If that goes well, I can work my way(confidence) up to things like boot worship and giving orders. And now that I think of it, maybe I would like to use a whip afterall. Not for hitting him, but just for the sound it makes and for the feeling of power just from wielding one. ...but then I'll have to go back to the adult store to get it. Bah. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. But otherwise, I am warming up to the idea of being a little dominatrix. I guess what concerns me is that I already tried being aggressive and forceful with him before, before he asked me to dominate him, and it didn't work. Why? Because I wanted to fellate him, and he didn't want to let me because he was afraid of his roommate "wondering why we were so quiet in his room", and when I tried to force myself on him anyway, he easily fended me off because he's just stronger than I am. This put a damper on my hopes for ever kinkily FORCING him into sex acts for some time. If he wants me to dominate him, he's going to have to let me do things my way. Like normally, when we're having sex and I'm on top, I sometimes find a really great rhythm and I want to be in control and stick with it, but he always grabs me at some point and pulls me down so I am flat against him and he is back in control then, thrusting into me at his own pace. When I dominate him, that is one of the things I look forward to changing. I want to tease him a lot physically, enjoy myself and take my sweet time before letting him orgasm. So I hope he lets me dominate him, and if he wants me to do a certain thing I think he should have to ask me to do it, not just tell me to do it. This could be good, if done properly. Fingers crossed (:

A while ago I admitted to him that I would like to watch him masturbate on webcam. He refused, saying he was too insecure to do it. But he seemed to indicate that I could watch him in person, and then maybe after that he would do a webcam show sometime. I still feel embarrassed about asking him to do it. I wonder if it would feel good to watch him via webcam, or just wrong. I almost touched myself for webcam on him before, but then decided against it because it didn't seem right when all I really wanted to do was make love to him in bed. You know, it almost seems demeaning, I guess. Like, the only reason we think up these things is because we are so far apart and feel desperate to interact sexually with each other somehow, and are "reduced" to discussing webcam sex. We both definitely need more confidence in ourselves sexually. Stupid distance.

The first night he ever touched my pussy was the same night he attempted to eat me out. My period had just ended the day before, and I worry that for that reason it didn't taste very good. Or maybe I naturally just don't taste good -_- Either way, he didn't really get into it, and commented that it tasted "bitter." Since then, he has never tried it again, and I have never asked him to because I can't enjoy it if I know he's doing it as a chore or a favour. And for a long time I was fine with this, but now I find myself wondering if there isn't some way to coax him to try again, and like it. If we try again, someday not so close to the end of a period, would it taste different? Or what if I put some whipped cream or painted it with something sweet, would that work? I wonder. But I haven't been able to suggest these things to him yet. Plus, I don't even know if they would work. I wonder if there's an adult product for this sort of thing. There must be. Something like edible paint or body... food.. I don't know. I mean, it can't be because I'm not CLEAN enough. I shower every day and I wash that bitch thoroughly, though I don't shove soap up in me, because that seems a bit much. There's gotta be someway... someeewaaayyy. I read that males can change the taste of their cum by what they eat. But so far I haven't read anything that says women can do something similar.

Bah to it all.
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